Marriage, age and intellect - 10.18.2006.2

I was reading an opinion piece by Laura Vanderkam and I started to wonder a few things. Parts of what she spoke about apply to me and other men I know that are college educated, especially those that are African American. I have been told that some of her comments are true of African American women too. But there is a bit that I don’t agree with, and do not see at all. This could be a factor of where I have lived, or just being a man. I’m sure the ladies that are frequent readers will let me know.

I am constantly surprised when I hear women say they need to dumb themselves down to be with a man. In part I think that there is an assumption made commonly that presumes that this is what a guy wants. Kind of like the thought that men prefer women to look like models, or be similarly thin. That has never really been the case. Yes, many like a woman that is of a moderate build, but I’ve never known a single guy who wants a woman that looks anorexic or a bunch of sticks. Every man I know agrees that we prefer a woman with curves. In this same manner, every man I know prefers women who can hold a conversation.

There may be a difference when culture is added to this though. African American men these days do enjoy the ‘music video girl’ look. Having a girlfriend with those looks is nice, but none of them would hardly be described as a model. This has no bearing on intelligence though. Yet the guys I am aware of that prefer this look in their women, tend to also have great interest in the thug life. Those men tend to be less educated, but exercise a great deal. I’ve seen African American female lawyers and doctors who date these thug types. An odd mix at best. In every case I’ve known, the guy was about as intelligent as a brick. Often the woman with him had to jump into the conversation and did in fact, dumb it down, significantly. But that was due to her choice in a mate. To say that another man, African American or otherwise, would need her to disavow her intelligence is over-generalization.

Of course the fact that there are fewer married people in the nation is another factor. In black culture today there is the fact that up to 60% of women are single parents. This would make it harder to get married, especially as the culture advocates not having the father involved with the children. [what I like to call the baby-momma syndrome.] It would also help explain why some get married later in life, intelligence is not a factor. But this is a bit specific to one culture.

Perhaps Ms. Vanderkam has grown up in a different time in NYC than I, or it’s the difference in culture (I grew up in the Bronx) but young women having children is not a new thing, nor attributable to any pop star. Especially the, in my opinion, marginally talented Mrs. Britney Spears. The need for nannies and/or $700 strollers might be though.

One thing that is related to this is the question of what age do college educated African American men get married? There are fewer men that fit in this criteria. Considering the estimates that Black males are dropping out of high school at a faster pace than ever before I really wonder about this. In just a cursory thought on the subject it would seem that Black women that are college educated might have to be older to get married, as the pool of Black men that are their intellectual equal is smaller and more difficult to find. This fact is not one that is changing quickly. Nor does it have a readily available answer.

I’m sure I’m only scratching the surface of this. But tell me what you think on this subject.

This is what I think, what do you think?